First Kisses

Today consisted of working at Jimmy Buffett's Shave Ice stand -- making shave ice and pineapple smoothies -- until 2:45pm. Not a bad 7.75 hours. I made more than $20 in tips (people tip more when you dress cute fyi) which is definitely a good day. After I clocked out I said hello and good bye to all my favorite Parrotheads and walked across the street to the Waikiki beach right in front of the Royal Hawaiian hotel. Can't miss it. It's the big bright pink hotel.

That's where I decided to lay down to sun bath (I can't let this tan fade. It's just too appetizing. ;-) ) While laying on my stomach I would read one of my library books but when I turned over I tuned into pandora on my iphone and listened to the Something Corporate station (yes I'm proud to say it's a regular that I listen to.) Anyway, The Starting Line - Best of Me came on (awesome song btw). There's one small lyric that really stood out to me while I was listening to it this time. "The next time I'm in town, we will kiss girl." (And here's the video for anyone that needs a throw back on high school days <3 )

That lyric made me think of first kisses and all the excitment that comes with them. If anyone knows me at all I'm completely terrified of commitment. Yes I've been in long relationships in the past but I'm scared of forever and I get bored of relationships quite easily. I enjoy the getting to know you part of the relationship. The beginning. The butterflies. The fireworks. The nerves. Whatever it is. That's the part I live for. Now this is going to be some serious soul spilling here but part of me would just enjoy going from relationship to relationship. Getting to know someone completely and honestly for a several months, maybe a year tops. When the relationship inevitably stalls/burns out then you just go on, by yourself for awhile, until you find someone else. Then you do the same thing with that person. You have all the firsts and the giggles, etc and get to know them completely, and then let them go. I don't understand the appeal of marriage and I'm not asking for any advice on it. I'm just throwing my thoughts out there into the world. I feel that marriage is something you do when you fear being alone. You decide to settle for one person because of the fear that when you're older, there won't be anyone else. It gets harder to meet new people as you grow older. It's all settling to me. Settling for a life that will inevitably become routine. I enjoy the spontaneity of new love and new adventures. Anyway, just my opinion.

I don't know. I feel that my thoughts on the subject are all scattered and confusing. It may be because I change my mind about things every other day/hour/minute/second. These are the only things that I can say for certain right now.

1. Here's to people that you can talk to about all this stuff that will just listen and not feel obligated to chime in with advice. Advice is not what I seek. I will find my way but sometimes I just need to talk about it in order to gather my thoughts.
2. Here's to finding a stable, serious career so I can support myself and if there's anyone else involved in my life then it's out of pleasure and not necessity. I don't want someone to take care of me and I don't want to take care of anyone. I just want to enjoy life.
3. Here's to amazing first kisses from the past that you can look back on and smile. And to future ones, real or fantasies, that allow you to feel hopeful about the future..especially the fantasy kisses with the cute surfer dudes at the beach. sigh.

4. Here's to enjoying the beautiful, Hawaiian weather and delving deep into my own thoughts while looking up at the sky and feeling the power of the crashing waves a few feet from my own feet.

We got older but we're still young, we never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up.